The War on Buffet Man

Buffet man strolled to the corner of corners
where glass meets glass,
squinting into his star,
which every day glistens his empire.

Laments Buffet-man: “I tire of wealth,
“like a pump gathering oil in excess.
“To receive it, I need the 99 percent
“with crude hands outstretched.”
Therewith belched the Buffet-man

“Behold, my pockets seek to be empty,
“and I, Buffet man, wish to be 99 percent again!”
With that, Buffet man began to sink,
to go under, to un-accomplish.

As Buffet-man descended his steel-glass tower
and encountered crowds of the non-gainful, he said,
“Seek not to be overpaid, you undermen.
“I am the overpaid, but to be underpaid is to be free!”

“Escape your envy of the one percent!
“You who possess so little
“are not possessed by the one percent.
“We hardly know you!”
Therewith belched the Buffet-man.

In the heat of the street, Buffet man fell to sleep.
A serpent-looking politic came to bite him in the neck.
Politic snake recognized Buffet man then wriggled.
Writhing in fear, the snake sought escape.

Buffet man exclaimed “No don’t, for I’ve not thanked you.”
Of his venom, politic snake reminded Buffet man.
“When has dragon ever died from poison of the snake?
“Take back your poison, you who are not rich enough to give it.”
Therewith belched the Buffet-man.

Upon assembling once again,
retired by gridlock of snake and dragon,
the ungainful shrugged shoulders back to below waters,
not to drown, but to be taunted by Fannie Mae’s coffers.
Thereupon re-ascended the Buffet man.


–by Bob Falesch (read at March 2012 SLAP meeting)